The windup. It’s been going for a long time, and pretty soon the alarm will sound. Something can only be wound up and set to propel itself for infinite time thereafter with the conjoining of gears. Seperate, Multiple bodies working together for one central achievement…to keep up with time itself.
The past 3 days have been of enormous proportions both in my own life and in the others close to me. I have been working somewhat like a clock lately, using time wisely and keeping strict track of the seconds passing by. This has undoubtedly been because I have been working with deadlines. I am proud of the organizational thought I practiced on Thursday, which was Eliot’s 23rd birthday. I am setting forward to mimic my own admirable behaviour in the future! Also, it is now officially Christmas Day. My family is big on Christmas, and this of course being the holiday of giving has strict deadlines in terms of “getting things done”.
While I sit in the cove of Christmas past, it will only be a few more hours until younger munchkins come strolling down the stairs to wake me for the thrill of Christmas morning. Two things are coming to mind as of now.
The first is how much of a difference I notice in my perception of Christmas from year to year. This year I was very focused on others, though I suppose in a sense that is focused on the self. Isn’t everything in some way? Basically, I didn’t ask for anything for Christmas this year, because I feel like I am on a different side of the tree now. Tonight at my cousin’s Christmas Eve party, I realized that the young munchkin cousins aren’t interested in connecting to me on a childlike level anymore. I seem like an adult to them. I could show them a thing or two though, and that I will.
The second thing is that I think the reason I have been so good with deadlines these past few days is precisely because the deadlines have been for the achievement of others. Deadlines for the self are so important, but without using the word “excuses” I tend to constantly put things off and rearrange my priorities rapidly and on a whim. When you are working to meet a deadline for someone else’s benefit, there are multiple people involved and it’s much harder to let yourself let someone else down as opposed to just your self who can take the abuse every once in a while.
It’s something to think about for me, because I know that I enjoy making other people happy, and lately I’ve been asking myself what makes me happy. Some people in my life might tell me that it’s me me me who has to come first. Is this universal? Sometimes it feels like the one thing that really makes me happy is making other people happy. Nobody’s happiness really comes first though. It’s actually a completely cyclicle process, similar to the way a wind-up clock functions.
Oscillating wheel. Receiving delivery from said gears. Can one go without the other?
